ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
