And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
