As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
