awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
