I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
