So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
