I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
