i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
