I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
