okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
