Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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