i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
