I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
