Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
