Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
