with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
