She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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