just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
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