drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
