the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
