I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
