SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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