Just took my morning after pill in the library
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
