Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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