I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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