That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
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