I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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