remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
