God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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