U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
