no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
They have beer where we have blood.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
