her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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