You smell like a Billy Joel song
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
