After last night, I could never be a politician.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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