woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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