I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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