If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
