there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
