I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
