Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
