From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
