i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
where are my eyebrows?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
