Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
