It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
