i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
