Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
