I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
