Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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