I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
