Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
this beer tastes like vomit already
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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